Marilyn had always been healthy and energetic, never smoked or drank much alcohol, and ate balanced meals (which of course includes chocolate!) So getting into the world of cancer was totally foreign to both of us. Upon hearing the doctor’s warning we first kissed and hugged, then later walked around like zombies for a day or two thinking “What happened?” I would try to help Marilyn but didn’t know what to do. Then I’d go off and take care of myself for a while, but discovered that I was leaving her alone at the very time she needed someone.
In first dealing with the oncologist and learning about the complexity of the disease, as I started to understand discomfort and side effects of "chemo" (the chemical treatment), and the length of time to administering chemo, I was overwhelmed. Every visit to the doctor brought more data overload with changes in the diagnosis each time. The doctor would say “We thought it was one stage but then saw indications of another stage.” And at other times, “It affects type-B cells only, which is good,but then there are down-sides to that.” Cancer was a world I knew nothing about, a world I didn't want to enter, but one I knew I had to understand and embrace.
Friday, February 27, 2009
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4 comments:
"I just read your whole blog. Well done. Well written. I like how you talked about how people don't know what to say and how different things people say, make you feel.
It was interesting to hear the different things that people had said to you and Marilyn and think about how they would make me feel or how I would react.
I was intently reading your blog at my desk and listening to headphones so it looked like I was watching a movie or a video. One of my bosses said "what are you watching," thinking it would be something funny. I told him that you had started a blog about your experiences as a spouse in this situation. I know it caught him off guard. But he thought it was cool. At first he didn't know what to say... just like you talked about, and I told him that you wrote about that very thing. I tried to lighten the mood and mentioned that you and Marilyn like the humor technique. He told me about his Aunt that had cancer and a motivational speaker that was on 60 minutes and Oprah. You met him, Ryan Heritage. He was at the picnic that you went to with me."
-Dave
Ted - I really enjoyed your blog, I guess I did not know you were such an amazing writer. You know I share your interest in psychology and human relations so all of this is fascinating to me.
March 1, 2009
Many thanks for sharing. I thought at first this might be related to breast cancer (but soon discovered by reading your blog that you both have other opportunities ahead). In addition to the amazing staff at MDA, the committed volunteers who are there to listen, support and encourage the staff, patient, and patient’s entourage are all part of the patchwork that makes MDA the place to make CANCER a word not a death sentence.
Keep us posted on her Chemo schedule. I’d be happy to drop off some split pea soup for those days where comfort foods that are easy on the throat are good medicine. I just need to know if she eats small amounts of ham. Feel free to call me for lunch when you need a break and Marilyn needs quiet time. Caregivers need their time too. Picnic on the porch is as good as lunch at a neighborhood café. It’s been about 5 years since my sister went thru Chemo. Marilyn and Marla are strong, independent women facing a challenging opponent.
I do believe in the power of prayer and appreciate the comfort of knowing we’re not in this alone.
Absolutely (you can use my comments). You have a gift with words and understand the need to get the message out there for others who are feeling the pain, fear, and bewilderment.
I’m serious about my offer to bring food by (doesn’t necessarily have to be split peas but something that is bland, easy to swallow, not necessarily have a strong odor, and low in acid). I also recognize that caregivers can easily get swallowed up by being supportive so I’m available to let you see another person outside of a hospital setting. Keep me posted because you don’t want to get food from 3 different groups all on the same day.
BTW—what ever happened to Marilyn’s sister in Missouri? Wasn’t she the one undergoing a second round of breast cancer and had young kids?
I forwarded your blog link to Pat Martin (the admin here that you probably remember). She is at the mid point of her chemo treatments for breast cancer and is out this week (probably another chemo week).
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