Item 3. HELP FOR CARETAKERS SESSION

I attended an hour session on offered by the MDA Learning Center called “Caregivers—I’ve Got Feelings Too!”. I arrive at 1PM; there were 6 other people with me, 5 men and 1 woman, all caregivers for cancer patients, usually their spouses. I later found out that the age of time married was from 7 years to 43 years and length of time with cancer was high as four years. I sat down at a table with the others. Assuming that this was a class that provided tips on being a good caretaker, I put my pen and notepad on the table. The facilitator said to me, “Put that away, it might make people intimidated and afraid of being open in our discussion. As the meeting proceeded began to realize that this wasn’t about learning at all; it was about sharing. As the meeting began, he facilitator said: “Let’s go around the room and see how things are going. I have never heard such sad stories. They dealt with the struggles they had in pleasing the patient, losing their confidence that they were effective, being told by the patient to go away, and other issues. Note that all of these people were caring for spouses. The types of cancer were of the worst including patients who could no longer be helped and cases where cancer had spread to other organs. Most were somewhat fed up with the stress and yet simultaneously were ready to continue on. I was the last to answer the question, and I told them I was overwhelmed with what I had just heard; the struggle, the courage, the love. Marilyn and I had not really begun yet, but I had some remarks to make. The next questions were “How has cancer affected your marriage?” and “Name your biggest strength.” Needless to say, in protecting peoples’ privacy, I don’t think it would be appropriate for me to publish any of the meeting’s content. But let me summarize and express my feelings. Overall, there was generally an attitude of acceptance. They had said “I’ve been rejected, my community thinks I’m crazy for paying the money and coming here; ‘he’s just going to die anyway’.” Another says “I’ve tried everything, brought in every kind of specialist, and none of it works.” Yet they each felt that the work that he/she was doing was well worth doing and was ready to keep doing it. Doctors have told us that type of lymphoma Marilyn has can easily lead to remission in a few months and doesn’t require the invasive surgical procedures that other cancers do, that folks around the table had experienced. For this I am grateful. And yet my attendance at these meetings makes perfect sense; it’s very enriching and moving. There is much for me to learn, if nothing more than compassion from some real heroes. These sessions are offered every week and one can return any time, which I’m planning on doing.